The randomness in my head today.

This past week I have been 100% Putter the dog's nanny. He is incredibly spoiled and I realize how even though he isn't mine that I could quickly become one of "those people" who talks endlessly about their dog and has "dog is my co-pilot" on their car kind of stuff. Putter is a good addition to my life. He seems to truly like me whether I am grumpy or not, wants to be near me even if I am gross or feeling not too pretty. I can see why people would love this pet owner thing. I find him to have a world of personality and I enjoy watching it unfold as we go for walks and I see how he reacts to things and people around him. He helps me to remember to be mindful on my own in my own experiences.


(Putter is so CUTE!)

While Holden and Company are gone this week I had to go to the school to register him for classes. I have never done such a thing before. The line was long out the door and I realized quickly that I was not dressed like the other moms or really act like them. I mean heck, I am personal trainer, assistant and dog nanny. I carry much less life stress and responsibility. I felt myself closing off and judging- then quickly realized it was my own defense mechanism because I felt like they could read all of that in me. Like I was the fraud in line. Not a real mom. Not a real grown up.

True to form it was like a pure moods commercial. As I stood there I started doing the math and realized I actually was old enough to really have a child in middle school. Then I realized my mom was my age when I was in middle school. So I had to text her and tell her we were old. (She appreciated this)It was depressing to realize I'm an adult.


(not very mature...)

In boredom I started thinking about my newest obsession- Glee. I'm absolutely in love with Will Shuester. So i started looking around at all the teachers to see if there was a Mr Shue in the group. I looked for a Sue Sylvester. I could spot the gym teacher a mile away. I saw the cliques. The pretty cheerleader, the dorky poorly dressed kid sitting at the chess club table, the awkward 13 year old boys trying to feel at home in their bodies, the girl with acne and braces and embarrassed to be standing with her mom in line. Wow, I wouldn't go back to junior high for the world. Though the more I interact with adults the more I realize we are just kids in bigger bodies.

Afterwards I picked up my friend Pearl and we headed to our spot at New Seasons for lunch and chatter. She is always super excited and encouraging about my life. But today I was closed off. I feel overwhelmed by the changes about to occur in my life at the end of this month when I have to fully focus on my training biz which is not established. I'm trying not to manifest thoughts of fear or of scarcity. My entire summer has been meeting the needs of the kid, the dog and subbing Meshi's clients. Not much has been left over for me. So we just chattered a bit about life and shared some stories and went to Powells Books where I read teeny bopper magazines in honor of the junior high school I had visited. I felt safe and happy with my friend and in that moment.

In a few hours I will go meet with a friend about some publishing things and if the beginning of the day is any indication of the evening, I'm sure it will be a barrage of emotion and thoughts. It's something I've dreamed of. Writing escapes me no matter how hard I try to keep it inside.

One of the things Pearl and I were talking about today was emotion. How so many people have learned to stuff theirs away and I've always been so vocal about mine. I have been told "You can't be like that. You cannot just tell everyone exactly what you feel all the time" And other people are told "You can't close off like that. You have to show your emotions or they will eat you alive." Life can be confusing especially when you're talking about that kind of balance of something so vulnerable to us. We have to just be true to ourselves and let the chips fall where they may (easier said than done, I know. What will happen next? Who knows! What emotion will I have next? Could be one of many! I'm not nuts I'm just in tune. So tune in and I'll keep ya posted! HA!