Wow September has kicked my butt! I have found myself emotional, sensitive, easily agitated, stressed, sad... I'm usually a happy go lucky kind of girl too! I can put a positive spin on the worst situations but I really struggled with it this month. I think it's worse when you know you are a mess and can't get out of it or figure out why you are!
Granted life has changed a bit this month, summer was hectic and I was busy serving the needs of a mass of others whom I adore. I didn't rest and in an instant, it seemed over. I had planned on stepping into business with a partner starting this month but that partnership changed and I found myself unable to move forward as I had visioned. I can look at it all now and go- yeah it was all perfect. Everything worked together as it needed to, but the stress of the unknown can give you a coronary in the process!
I also started looking at the Genesis Process again. I use the principles with my personal training and life coaching clients. Heck, I use it every day in my life! But I wanted to give it a 4th go round. Perhaps I am just a healing junkie but clearly there are still areas that need some TLC. It's funny because when I first started, I was looking at my food addictions, then moved into my self esteem and now I am currently working on my need for safety/control. Best part about the healing process? You actually have to experience the issues. Oh great! Anyway, add that to the September pile and you have a very neurotic April in your midst.
I looked through my old blogs and some old journals just in the month of September from the last 5 years and do you know what I found? I do this every year. Ugh.
Oh September!
What is September to me? Change, fall, starting new journeys, ending of the easier of summer days, school, learning, schedules, etc. Honestly I love these things! I am a goal oriented person. I LOVE seeing dreams and visions becoming reality. And if I set out to do one, I'm either succeeding or going down swinging. In spite of that, I've never been one who transitions well into them. No matter how excited I am about something new, I am generally a little bit cranky about the discomfort of actually adjusting to it. Add this to the issue I mentioned previously I am exploring in Genesis- my need for safety and control and here we have the usual September Syndrome.
While at the library this week I noticed a book on display that seemed to have bright lights, angels singing and a huge arrow above it--"The Emotional Calendar" by John R. Sharp. In it he talks about the ways the climate, milestones, memories, light all in the changing seasons effects our mood. I found it particularly fascinating that he pointed out we are naturally made to respond to the changes of nature and now we live in spaces that are climate/light/environmentally controlled yet we still respond. I mean think about it, our houses, cars, office spaces, recreational places all are controlled for our comfort and yet we cannot control the change of seasons, weather, light and darkness. Yet because we live this way we often forget that we are still responding. Often it is the memories made associated with these seasons that are the triggers.
I always feel like real change can happen once we are aware of what is happening. And now I am aware. This sadly doesn't mean that it won't be a struggle for me in the future, but now that I have the understanding that this truly is the season for crazy aprilness, I can be more proactive and maybe even love myself a little bit more during this time. Once I start to unpack some of the control things I hold so tight, I'm thinking September can become a little less dreaded!
"And you would accept the seasons of your heart just as you have always accepted that seasons pass over your fields and you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief." -Kahlil Gibran
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