2012- one month in and feels like a lifetime of learning done!

What the what?! I haven't blogged this year at all?! I hang my head in shame!

2012 has been intense already and it's only one month in. I feel good about where it's going though. I'm learning things. Or maybe I'm starting to realize that I've been learning things for a while- but just now seeing it.

I kinda freaked out by the end of last year into this one, mostly over money. I had a close friend make a pact with me. We are in similar situations and we'd commiserate about it. We started to realize we spent too much energy on what we didn't have and not enough being grateful for what we DO have. Wouldn't you know as soon as we switched our perspectives we started feeling less anxiety (duh) and seeing ways things could work out. It wasn't pretty but we got it as cheesy self helpy as it sounds, it did in fact help.

I am also continuing to learn about relationships. I'm convinced this is a lifelong process but little gimmmers of wisdom help. I'm understanding that people choose some things. They choose to let you in. They choose to allow you to be important to them. They choose if they are going to let you know your worth to them. In some instances they may make a choice on how they will love you. You cannot control any of it. And sometimes no matter how open you are, you may find your mind blown at what you get out of the deal as you yourself make the same choices.

I'm also learning about other things outside of my control. I pride myself at being very open about my emotions. I speak out about my feelings. I'm honest about this to every person I'm in a relationship of any sort with. And for a while I thought my being forthright would make me safe from losing people. I don't mind conflict/discussion- I think it makes a relationship grow (granted I'm not looking for it, but it doesn't unnerve me) yet no matter how open I am, if the other person isn't, we could still be heading for trouble. You can't make someone else interact the same way as you do and sometimes no matter how hard you try to make a relationship unbreakable, it just can't be. Even if you're being straight up about your part, if they aren't it's still got problems.

I'm also being reminded that good things do come to an end. Friendships do end. Seasons of life do too. After 5 years with my favorite kid Holden and Putter the dog, this summer I'm officially being set free into the wild. I cannot ever adequately express the feeling my heart has about this. However, I also know that it does truly allow me to run face first into the areas of life I've been dreaming of submerging myself in. I'm well aware that I would never had made the break from my side of this commitment so the ending came for me. AND the ending can be good.

Feels like so much. And now that I think about it again, it is JUST January. Wow. If it keeps up like this I'm in for it!!!! haha. Hope your 2012 is giving you what you need. Apparently I needed to learn a few things still...